Hairstyles of the Poor and Obscure

Long hair is good for going out (this is for a wedding). Notice it does not solve the problem of whiny toddlers.

When people talk about the relief they feel in “letting their hair down” I frown in confusion. For me, relief comes from putting it up, getting it out of the way. Off my neck, away from my ears and forehead.

This came up at a play-date yesterday, and I was relieved to find that I’m not alone in this. I’m not what anyone would call a “hair person.” Once in a blue moon (perhaps less often) I wear my hair down. For about thirty minutes. After which time, in desperation/irritation, I throw it back up into a ponytail/bun/scarf/hat. While reading some parenting magazine I came across a short article on how to liven up your hairstyle so that you’re not wearing “the mom ponytail.” I was a little irritated. I had the mom ponytail going before I was even thinking about children. I don’t think I even knew children existed until after I’d perfected the mom ponytail.

Husband liked my hair long, so I didn’t cut it for awhile…like, eight years. I should also mention that he threatened to let his hair grow out if I cut mine, effectively killing any short-haircut plans I may have entertained. Finally I pointed out that my hair was pleasing no one. I wear it in a ponytail even in sleep – a loose ponytail that, when very long, I could throw past my shoulder on the pillow, sometimes smacking Husband with it at night. Totally an accident. Really.

As I was saying. Since I sleep in a ponytail, keep my hair in a bun all day, every day, the only person to see it down most days is Z. I leave it down to air dry. That’s it. So I finally had a few inches cut off, bringing it to just below my shoulders. I think I lost at least three pounds just from losing that hair.

My friend L, a hairstylist, performed the cut. She did a fabulous job. Sadly, I am still not up to the task of doing anything with my hair. It’s a wavy blond mop that sits in a twisted little sphere at the top of my crown most days, and fluffs out behind me in a Hermione-Granger-esque ponytail when I’m feeling adventurous.

I’m starting to feel desperate. Ann Lamott got dreadlocks because she couldn’t deal with her hair, and I’m thinking that’s a possibility. Or maybe a buzz cut? So, so tempting.

Fantasy Hairstyle Wish List:

1. No flatiron required.

2. Wash, air dry, look fabulous.

3. Off my neck, away from my face.

4. Makes me look ten pounds lighter. (This is a fantasy.)

5. Helps me be a better mother/wife/person.

6. Does the dishes on its own while I sit on the couch reading a good book.

7. Cures writer’s block. All-around inspiring.

8. Magically prevents whining within a 3-mile radius. My own whining excepted, of course. Otherwise, how could I write this blog?

Comments
10 Responses to “Hairstyles of the Poor and Obscure”
  1. Dana says:

    That’s not a few inches! That sounds more like a few feet!! I love your hair. *jealous*

  2. Beth, you have such BEAUTIFUL hair! I know it drives you crazy, but I think it is so lovely! πŸ™‚

    • bethhull says:

      Thank you Megan! It’s uplifting to hear people like it. Maybe if I shave it all off, I could reassemble it on a mannequin. Then we could all enjoy it from afar. πŸ™‚ I like your website, by the way–didn’t know you were blogging until now!

  3. Randi says:

    Should I feel responsible?

  4. inmomniac says:

    Your hair looks gorgeous here! (Did you get a night away with husband? Is Zoe curled up in your arms because she doesn’t want her lovely mother to leave her?)

    That said, you may remember I chopped off my hair maybe a few months ago. I got a layered cut which really helps in the not-having-to-do-much-with-it department. Basically after a shower I put some smoothing cream on my hair, blow dry for a few minutes and that’s it. On the days I don’t wash my hair, I spritz some detangler spray on it, blow dry for like 1 minute or less and that’s it. Works for me!

    • bethhull says:

      Sadly, there was no night away with husband – I went to that wedding by myself. Z was upset because she’d just woken up and of course, her nap was too short.
      I LOVE your hairstyle! In your pics from that woodsy place (can’t remember what it was called) it looks fabulous still! I wish I could do something like that with mine, but I think it’s too wavy.

  5. can u make a pic of how u get straght hair culy becouse i am 12 and i don’t have a hair curler and i don’t like to use heavy produces and when i do try to curl my hair ir falles out 😦

    • Beth Hull says:

      I’m sorry, Katlyn, I’d be the last person to be able to tell you that. My hair is naturally curly, so I’m always wanting to straighten it, not make it curly. Good luck to you, though! I can totally identify with hair woes.

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